As you all know, Ben I got married on May 29, 2017. This means that we have been married for five months and two days. All through engagement, people told us that even though we may think we know each other, we haven’t even put a drop in the bucket. Every time people said this I would think to myself, that cannot be true! Ben and I had been dating for four years before we got married. We have been through deaths, illness (my mom’s cancer), long distance, and doing life together everyday starting freshman year of college. How could I not know Ben as well as I thought I did? Well I will tell you. Ever gone on an extended trip with your best friend? Did you expect that everything was going to be amazing, because you know that person like the back of your hand? Did you find out your were wrong? Whether it was that they never do their own dishes or they gag every time they brush their teeth, or even something awesome like they are overly considerate and do things like get you a blanket when you watch movies, there was something you didn’t know about them that you found out after you started living with them. So this happened to me. Luckily for me, Ben and I’s marriage counselors (from Fellowship Bible Church Jonesboro) have been around the block and knew this would happen and told us that we needed another session about six months after the wedding. The thing I learned about my husband only days into marriage was more about me than it was him. You see, I discovered my secondary love language is acts of service and Ben’s love language is not. Ben would do little things like leave towels on the floor or leave closet doors open. Now these things were very minor things, but for an acts of service person it sent the message that I wasn’t valued and that I was expected to clean up his messes no questions asked. Of course, this was not Ben’s intent. He simply didn’t think it was need to clean up directly after use and did know that by doing those things would even affect me. At the same time, I am trying to learn how to love Ben through his love languages. I had learned that Ben’s love languages are words of encouragement and physical touch. An example of how I was not loving Ben through his physical touch love language was when he came in the door after work and I greeted him with list of chores and basic how was work instead of a hug and kiss. Although I did not mean these things to be hurtful, they came across that way to Ben. An example of how I didn’t love him well through his words of encouragement love language would be when he received a job offer and my first response wasn’t to jump up and down or tell him how awesome he is (even though he is awesome). My first reaction was to try to take it all in and quietly respond with that is great honey. However, as we all know the first step to fixing a problem is to recognize that there is one. In that last situation I quickly recognized that he needed more from me and I went to him and told him I was sorry for responding the way that I did and told him how proud I am of him and his God given talents. I also danced around the room with him to the song Celebration. We both know there is a lot that needs work in our marriage and we are excited to grow closer and know each other better through the process for working towards the best marriage ever.
Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us?”
Find out what your love language is using the 5 Love Languages quiz: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
Fellowship Bible Church Jonesboro: http://fellowshipjonesboro.com